How To Deal With Anger Towards Your Spouse

The next time you feel a twinge of resentment toward your partner try this:

Put your hand on your heart. Breathe deeply into your belly a few times. Close your eyes. Think of this annoyance as an iceberg. Think of it being the tip of an iceberg within your heart and ask yourself: If I’m feeling this, what’s causing my pain? Write down anything that comes to mind. Even if it’s blaming like “he did ____”. Then ask yourself, the following:

“Assuming this is true, what about this is upsetting me?”

Write this down.  Ask yourself the question again:

“Assuming this is true, what about this is upsetting me?”

Repeat this until you feel that “aha” feeling of knowing. Just knowing you’ve hit the nail on the head.

It’s most often something to do with overriding your own truth to please someone else but it can be anything, and everything is valid.

Treat Yourself Gently

Be sure not to make yourself “wrong” for anything, that’s not helpful. Treat yourself gently through this process, like it was your sister, or someone you really love that you can feel compassion and love for.

If you slip up and get grouchy at your partner, be gentle on yourself. You’re human, and being mad at yourself after being mad at your partner (or having road rage, or snapping at the barista) just makes for such yucky feelings for all. This is exactly what I mean.

I don’t mean you have to be a saint all the time at all! All I want is for you to start tuning into yourself. Recognise when you’re grouchy. Start practicing little by little tuning into what you’re feeling. If you do it “wrong”, stop. There is no “wrong”. What you want is to treat yourself with compassion even when you intended to act differently. Permission to be human.

Use Your Imagination

Imagine a favourite person in the world. Someone who’s not the source of your trigger right now. Your sweet grandmother, newborn nephew, little sister, your father. Whomever you can feel a wave of love for right now. How would you treat them in this moment if they came to you and said “I’m so mad at myself, I snapped at my partner and I’m a horrible person I should be punished”, you’d feel so sad they’re beating themselves up so much. You’d see how they’re just human and you’d see all the great qualities they still posses. You’d love them! Your heart would crack open to them and feel compassion for them, completely letting them off the hook for their humanness, and understanding where they’re coming from. THIS is what I want you to practice. Then, when you’re in that feeling, turn it onto yourself. Feel that same compassion, acceptance and understanding for yourself.

Try Journalling

Do some journaling so that you not only process these feelings by literally letting them leave you out of your hand, onto the page, but also to have a record of your progress for you to look back upon. You’ll be amazed how quickly your brain will adapt to getting to the truth and you’ll be happy to see the changes happen quickly. when you’re in touch with your truth and follow your truth everyone benefits and you feel amazing. I only recently learned this myself. And it works. I always have the power in any given situation. I sometimes just forget that I do. When I give my power over to a “should” I inevitably get myself into trouble.

Need more support on how to deal with your anger towards your spouse? Read how you can avoid the common pitfalls that new parents face after baby.

With much love,

Barbara

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